Letters From America: Things I Have Learned In California

Originally posted 22nd Jan 2004

– An undrinkable beer exists, and its name is Bud Dry
– A kerb painted red is the US equivalent of a double yellow line
– Everyone in Los Angeles is working on a screenplay or is in a band
– Parking on a red-painted kerb will cost you sixty-five dollars
– A microwave is considered essential kitchen equipment; a refrigerator is not
– You need a minimum of two completed screenplays to get an agent
– If you are caught in an earthquake, stand in a doorway
– The light on a cloudless day here is more beautiful than you can imagine
– The English accent trick doesn’t work – they’re used to it
– Equipping an apartment from scratch is more expensive than you think
– Installing Mandrake 9.2 on your computer can destroy a cheap CD drive
– Dell computers have excellent customer service, and cheap CD drives
– An RF lead in your apartment is not necessarily connected to an aerial on the roof
– Redcurrant bagels work surprisingly well for mopping up savoury sauce
– Don’t get a haircut from someone who doesn’t speak English very well
– Mullets are back in
– C&C Music Factory’s “Things that make you go hmmm” was recorded before the advent of DNA testing
– Big Refrigerators Are Good
– Few people in California can spell. When a bank can’t spell “Withdrawals”, that’s a warning sign
– Mess is the equivalent of an animal pissing against a wall. It marks your territory

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