Also, my Heaven contains a beer volcano and a stripper factory.

I don’t believe in God. Any of ’em.

This is based on a lifetime of experience. Specifically, evidence of God in the world. To wit: there isn’t any.

There’s lots of people saying their God’s the right one, but actual evidence? Well, not so much.

You’d think that if there was a big fella in the sky who wanted us all to worship him he might actually, you know, show up every so often? Big booming voice in the sky, “Worship me or you’re doomed,” followed by a bit of smiting would shut all the atheists up good and proper.

Or alternatively, if He’s not feeling flashy, something a bit more subtle. Encode a message into the fundamental constants of the universe, say. Make pi or e have a series of all ones and all noughts in it that spelled out a picture, or words in whatever language He cared to use.

I mean, omnipotent, right? Should be able to put something really fucking obvious out there to quiet the naysayers.

But, apparently, no. Instead He likes to talk to people, and get them to write it down in holy books.

Problem is, that evidence also fits two other hypotheses equally well. The prophets could have been hearing voices that weren’t there, or just made it all up.

So. No good evidence for the big fella then.

A few times now I’ve been in conversation with people who’ve responded to this with “Ha! You and your damn science. It’s not about proof, it’s about faith. And I believe.”

Well, there’s a big problem with that.

If you’re rejecting proof, or even balance-of-probabilities, in favour of what-you-personally-believe, then there’s no question, no debate, no way of engaging you in conversation. Because it’s not about reason any more, it’s about faith.

If all it comes down to is faith, my faith is as good as yours, and whoever shouts loudest wins. By relying on faith over evidence you lose because we can’t even have a discussion about it.

And if we can’t talk about it, all it comes down to is this:

My God is bigger than your God. Because my God has a noodly appendage.

4 Replies to “Also, my Heaven contains a beer volcano and a stripper factory.”

  1. Yeah, this whole God thing seems to be a point of contention amongst a lot of cultures. Frankly, I think all of them should just ease up. But this is my simplistic American p.o.v.

    So you’re a writer, eh? Me, too!

    Nice coming across your blog. Be sure to stop by my side of the pond and let me know if I should count on getting another day job.

  2. I was discussing my atheism with a Catholic recently. I asked him why he believed in Jaweh rather than, say Zeus, Baal or the FSM. He replied some stuff, then added that if someone served the FSM wholeheartedly and honestly, not knowing any better, they’d get to go to Heaven. He even had the cheek to say that he believed that sincere atheists would make it past St. Peter. ‘Baptism of desire,’ or something.

    I DEMAND ETERNAL DAMNATION! I said to him, and he went, ‘Yes as a devout atheist, you would say that.’

    Jeez man. How to you get to go to hell these days?

  3. I was a Christian because of my family, like most people, but it was actually reading the bible for myself in my teens that made me lose my faith.

    For a while I would argue with Jehovah’s Witnesses who came to my door quoting the misogyny in the bible and they were like, “so?”

    Fear of death is a powerful thing and you’re not going to win many converts saying “when you’re dead, you’re dead” if the opposition is offering eternal life in paradise (with or without 72 virgins).

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