Customer Service FAIL

As I mentioned recently, I wrote to Heinz to complain about them pulling an ad with two men kissing.

They wrote back to me today with the following:

“Dear Piers

Thank you for your recent email regarding the Heinz UK commercial for Deli Mayo. Consumer feedback is very important to us and we appreciate the opportunity to respond.

Heinz pulled the ad in the UK because our consumer research showed that the ad failed in its attempt to be humorous and offended people on all sides.

Heinz apologises for its misplaced attempt at humour and we accept that this ad was not in accordance with our long-standing corporate policy of respecting everyone’s rights and values.

Again, our sincere apology to anyone who felt offended. We appreciate you taking time to contact us to express your opinion and allowing us to address this issue.”

So, what you’re saying, you useless fucks, is that you haven’t even read my email because you’ve sent me a stock response for people who were offended by the ad.

I WASN’T OFFENDED BY THE ADVERT.

I WAS OFFENDED BY YOUR USELESS, COWARDLY ACTION IN PULLING IT.

And then your marketeers fuck it up further with this.

I’m really quite appalled by your idiocy.

9 Replies to “Customer Service FAIL”

  1. No, no, no, no no… They aren’t useless fucks because they didn’t properly respond to your email.

    You got a form letter because they really, really don’t give a fuck about your opinion. It’s that simple.

    Pass the sauce….

  2. And yet the advert was originally pulled in response to around 200 complaints.

    Do you suppose, perhaps, that those complaints were received telepathically?

    Or was the advert pulled in the first place because, actually, they do give a fuck about people’s opinions?

  3. Much less serious, but… I once wrote to Quorn complaining that their adverts made vegetarians look like dicks. They apologised for the pervasive threat of violence in the advert. Bemusement followed.

  4. Telepathic complaints? That’s just silly.

    Obviously the commercial was pulled because of complaints. (I suppose they just chucked ads for another company product in the airtime they had bought).

    But the original complaints were about the commercial and the contents therein, whereas your complaint was about the commercial being pulled.

    Those original complaints were enough to make Heinz take notice which is why they did something.
    Your complaint came second, obviously, and if only a handful of people like yourself have written in – i.e. obviously less than 200 – they obviously couldn’t give a shit.

  5. Missing the point, GD.

    It would have taken them no extra effort to send an email responding to my actual complaint. Or not responded, or responded with a thanks-for-your-feedback-we’re-looking-into-it.

    But the email they’ve sent has actually made me more annoyed.

  6. But to some extent GD is right in that if enough progressives had complained and tried to counter the morons then Heinz would at least have had a separate form letter for us and at most woulld have started showing the ad again.

  7. The company is a global brand, right?

    And I bet you a good proportion of those initial complaints came from mums and housewives who probably buy Heinz products on a regular basis to stuff down the maws of their offspring.

    They see a letter signed “… outraged Mrs Pumpernickle (mother of four)” and think, shit, we don’t want to lose her custom.

    They see a letter signed “… outraged Piers” and think, well, he’s probably got an old bottle of ketchup on the shelf but that’s about it.

    Sending an e-mail would be an effort because (a) the content of their reply would have to be vetted and approved by god knows how many departments and (b) they have “sided” with the people complaining about the advertisement’s content, and they are sticking to it.

    If they didn’t respond they’d probably get another email they don’t want somewhere down the line. And if they send a “thanks-for-your-feedback-we’re-looking-into-it” message, well, it would probably be a lie.

    It’s a big company that has far better things to do. They probably thought, fucking hell, it’s a Guardian-waving leftie on his high horse… Mmmm, this will probably piss him off…

    Which is why you got the response you did.

    Grow some tits and have a couple kids and they’ll probably listen to you. Until then, you aren’t even on their radar.

  8. I haven’t had a reply of any kind yet, despite sending an email and two old-fashioned letters. I might go round to their HQ and smear their windows with HP Sauce.

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